I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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