Just cropdusted the office
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
