is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
