when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
