if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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