What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
