what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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