All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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