It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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