Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You're a waste of cheezeits
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
