Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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