The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
