i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
