and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
