dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
