I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
