I must be too annoying 4 u.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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