That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
