I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
