when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
