You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
