Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
