If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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