i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
