My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
