Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
