I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
