he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
