You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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