My friends, they love my intelligence
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
