I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
