At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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