i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
