i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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