Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
