I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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