Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
