Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
