Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
