It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
