he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You were trust falling into bushes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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