Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize