bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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