Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
