His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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