Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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