My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
