Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
