My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
