i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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