After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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