Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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