how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he wants to bone in the snuggie
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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