Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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