It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well I just put wine in my tea
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
