worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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